A new definition of ordinary.

I shared this list a few weeks ago and I know that so many of us out there can relate (obviously my perspective is geared toward women/working moms/moms. Most of my readers and followers are women and moms, although, I would suggest that men start reading the posts of women to better understand why they are insane. Joking….kind of. Anyway, let me first express that a lot of these things are beyond stupid. But it’s just how it is these days—ya feel me? And a lot of them, I’m either guilty of, or put anxiety upon myself to be whatever it is below. Also, I know I’m missing a ton of other societal “norms” or standards….what else?

Be pretty. “You’re like, really pretty.” “Thank you.” “So you agree, you think you’re really pretty?”. I sort of feel like this is accurate of the judgement on the word ‘pretty’. Take a lot of selfies? Sheesh…conceded much? You obviously think you’re really pretty. Use too many filters or always use a filter? Pssh….because you aint got nothin’ without em! Don’t take any at all? Probably either one extreme or the other. Insecure or totally secure and don’t need. But whatever. Know how to contour. Eyebrows on fleek. Etc, etc. But not too much. Justttttttt right.

Be kind. Ok, this is obvious. I strive to be a kind person. I wish I was more kind. I find myself never feeling like I do enough for others. But I sort of already feel like I pour from an empty cup 99% of the time, so I question what I have left to give sometimes. But what I’m thinking about are things that are just so insanely gratifying and selfless. I used to do more volunteering with my Gramma and that always brought my heart such peace. We would deliver mobile meals for folks. Instead, I find myself offering small acts of kindness wherever I may be. Just the other day, an elderly lady was trying to decide between a Campbells brand of soup, or the generic--always a tough choice, I know. When she ultimately decided, it was nearly impossible to get that can back in those new fancy dispenser-rack-don’tyoudarepullitoutandtrytoputitback-things. Anyways, together, we got it back in there and giggled a bit about silly those things are. Even such a small thing, I found myself reflecting on it afterwards. Wondering if I would be the only person she chatted with that day, or heck, would she be the only one I chatted with that day? You see, I over-analyze literally everything. But needless to say, just be kind. Really small things can mean so much to someone. You never know what kind of day someone had or is having.

Be skinny. Blah. I hate this one. I mean, I’m pretty public about my weight ups & downs, but how do we even define skinny anymore, because I really don’t know. Is it what size I wear? What the scale says? How I look in clothes? I don’t know…all I know is I don’t really give a damn. All I know is I buy clothes that fit (mostly), I have stretch marks everywhere, and I’ll never look good taking a picture sitting down in a bikini or laying on my side. Because lets be honest, that loose skin from a 90 lb weight gain between two babies isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Sure, I’d like to look good in a bathing suit and feel all confident and shit, but…I also would rather spend time home with my kids most nights than at the gym. I try to go when I can, but it’s just not my gig. I guess I’m fine with mediocre on this one…

But still curvy. We all know what this means. And I’m just going to leave it at mom boobs and no butt are where it’s at these days…that actually is one thing I do want to work on though. My booty used to be bomb.

Take pretty pictures. I’m legit guilty of this. Guilty as in pay money for presets on my phone and edit them in Adobe before posting guilty. But I like it. I like photography and wish that I was good at it. I like how photography makes you feel though. For me, it’s both behind the camera, in front of it, and looking at the products. That’s why I still do photoshoots from time to time for myself. Pretty sure my family thinks it’s a little weird…but hey, I do it for me. It makes me happy.

Have a beautiful home. HGTV has both inspired us and ruined us. Thanks to this channel, we all think we can buy a great fixer upper for under $200k and with about $20-80k, make it look straight out of Restoration Hardware. Again, I’m guilty of this—but I haven’t regretted it yet. It’s definitely costing me more than I anticipated (not the renovations really, just the size of this house itself) but the endless potential I see when I look at our home is something that makes me truly happy. I’ve got to build a house from the ground-up before. And it was fun during, but I was bored immediately. But accepting the fact that it will take me YEARS and YEARS to get it to where I want it was a reality I had to quickly face. Looking at my mustard yellow bath tub and tile, then front porch with the ugly columns, the blue carpet in the sunroom (just to name a few) literally hurt my eyes on the daily—but it’s also exciting to know I have so much to do and so much to get my design hands on. One project at a time.

Have a great job. I sometimes get questions about this—because it appears I have the dream job—I work remote three days a week, I get to do fun marketing stuff, etc. But let me tell you, I worked REALLY hard to get here. I started my job in healthcare ten years ago, just a week before I started my undergrad at MSU in Advertising Management. I worked full time (40+ hours) while taking the max amount of credits every semester—I also delayed admission until January and started then so I could work full time for a bit to save up money for college. I finished my degree in 3.5 years, bought a house at 19, and continued my career in healthcare while climbing the ladder at my organization, ending in 2016 with a role in Marketing & Communications and serving also as a Management Services Administrator for the company I had worked for from 2009-2014. Needless to say, I found my passion in healthcare and am so thankful to be back in it after a short stunt in Manufacturing—I’m fortunate to have found this position I have now and I work with some bomb people. They’re truly inspiring and I am constantly learning—which is something I have to have in my career.

My point is, be proud of the path you are on. Work hard. It takes time, dedication, etc. Things will not always go your way. I’ve been fired. It’s taken me over 6 months to find a job before….the path will not always be easy. But stay committed and bust your ass if you want to have something to be proud of.

Make a lot of money. Money IS NOT EVERYTHING. Let me say it louder for those in the back---MONEY ISN’T EVERYTHING. Yeah, I get it—it certainly helps. But it’s just not everything. I’m leaving it there.

Make chef inspired meals. I LOVE to cook. I cook probably 95% of all meals at our house, which I am totally ok with. I have so much fun cooking and it’s so therapeutic for me. But what if you don’t like it? What if you’re eating out 95% of the time or living on that ramen or Lean Cuisine.. you do you. It’s not like everyone can afford Blue Apron or Healthy Fresh 24/7—that adds up quickly! But also—I’ll have you covered in another blog post—all my favorite (EASY!) recipes.

Be healthy. I mean this is every sense of the word. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. But if I’m being honest, I don’t know as I am healthy in any one of those areas—(insert nervous laughter here). But really, I’m an anxiety ridden-epileptic-asthmatic that questions everything there is to question. This one is kind of hard for me to write about, because I think the fact is, is that we all know that most of these things are completely normal, you just ‘shouldn’t’ talk about it—right? I think we’re making progress in this category though as far as a society. I follow a ton of inspirational women that speak out about depression & anxiety (ok, so most of them are moms that are talking about post-partum related problems) but hey, it’s still talking about it and I think that’s a step in the right direction. For me, being healthy is an everyday challenge, but I try to not talk about it too much. Sometimes I feel bad for myself because of the 1500 mg of an anticonvulsant that I will more than likely have to take the rest of my life—but then I quickly slap myself and am reminded that I AM LUCKY. There is so much in this world that could cause us to be unhealthy—it could be so much worse—it IS worse for so many. Then I feel guilty for even feeling sorry for myself.

Do all the laundry. One of my least favorite things of all time. Actually, I don’t really mind most of the process…but putting it away? That is the worstttttttt. I hate it. So. Much. But, it must be done. Every week. Sometimes a couple times a week.

Keep the house spotless. So this probably isn’t on everyone’s list—but it’s on mine because I’m a psychopath about a ‘clean’ house. I put clean in pretend quotes because you would most definitely not want to eat off my floors, but I mean clean as in I cannot have clutter on my kitchen counters at all. I can’t have dishes in the sink. All toys must be kept put away after playing. Blankets for the couch area folded each night before bed and throw pillows placed correctly on the couch. Ideally, my bed would be made every morning too, but having a boyfriend that works third shift and sleeps during the day makes that null & void.

One of the requests for a blog post that I got was how I stay organized. I told my mom that this was requested, and she laughed and said “organized chaos with a strong support system”—haha, she’s probably right about that. But stay tuned—I’ll share some of my tips & tricks on keeping the ship afloat.

Have children and raise them perfectly. Lets all laugh together at this one. Most of us only share the Instagram worthy moments of the beautiful, sweet little moments with our precious children, when really, 75% of the time, you’re trying to remember why you decided having more than one was a good idea and looking up vitamins to get your hair to stop falling out and what kind of oil will make you less stressed, and them sleep better. But can we just talk about how much harder it is to raise children these days? No longer are the days of going outside at 5 years old and coming home when the streetlights come on. My heavens, no! You best have them in a 5 point harness until age 10, eating only the right vegetables and fruits with complex carb snacks, while limiting screen time and making sure they can do basic algebra by age 6. Not only can we be scrutinized by anyone and everyone on our friends list for anything we post on social media regarding our children, but now there are blogs and articles, and then more blogs and articles on all the right and wrong ways to parent a child. 

Furthermore, every parent feels entitled to parent everyone else’s child. “Oh my gosh—did you see Karen’s picture of Timmy. His chest clip was SO low. Like, we should call CPS on her.”

Pretty sure we’re all guilty of this in one way or another, but that’s what society has created. A bunch of anxiety ridden parents wondering what in the hell they are doing and who is judging them for it.

Dress to impress. For me, this really comes down to dressing my children to impress. That’s really where my priority lies. I mean, the last clothes I bought myself were from Forever 21 29 and that’s really just because it’s cheap and I can mismatch those items with some of my older nicer pieces from when I actually used to buy myself nice clothes. This might just be out of my element these days because I’m more inclined to do my make-up nice than pick out a cute outfit. I only have so much effort each day and it’s usually all used up by the time I go to pick an outfit—true story.

However, with Pinterest and Instagram and all the other ways of seeing flawless people, dressed to impress, it’s hard to feel like you should be more put together. One way I *try* is I pick one piece of clothing that I want to make an outfit with, and I will look on Pinterest for that item. For instance, a red blazer. I will look up “red blazer outfits”—from there, I will recreate an outfit I find using some similar pieces I have. It helps me use pieces I have a hard time putting with others, while also feeling at least a little more put together. After all, if someone on Pinterest is wearing something similar, it must look halfway decent, right? Haha…

Have a manicured lawn. I cannot speak from experience on this one. I have over 3 acres to take care of and SO many damn garden beds from the previous homeowners. I have a black thumb. I can kill an artificial plant. I have killed SO many succulents and supposedly those are the easiest plants ever. Anyway…I mow my lawn on the diagonal and that’s about as impressive as I get.

Be smart. I truly believe that everyone is smart at something…it could literally be anything. We just have to be more excepting of the fact that it could be just that: anything.

Don’t have debt. This one keeps me awake at night sometimes. I feel like there is so much pressure to be successful, not have debt, have huge 401ks and have funds set up to pay for tuition for all your children, etc. etc. and for me, that’s just not a reality yet. I’m fairly certain I’ll be paying off my student loans for another 20 years and that alone keeps me up at night. I think this is an issue because we can so easily compare ourselves to everyone else. I’m trying to be better about not doing that…

Exercise and tell everyone about it. Guilty. I do post it to my story sometimes. But it’s mostly because I’m just so damn impressed I actually went. Haha—it’s really not for you. It’s for me.

Be the perfect spouse or partner. Aside from being the perfect parent, this is probably the second hardest on this list. It’s no secret I’ve failed at marriage before which makes me feel even more insecure about my ability to be the partner someone needs me to be. I think I try to over compensate in certain ways and I constantly wonder if I’m enough. Another thing I’m trying to work on, but again, so easy to compare yourself and your relationship to what you see of others---but, is that really their reality? More than likely, it’s not.

This list really just compiles the requirements of being human these days—the pressures we feel. Both placed upon ourselves and placed on us by a culture that has created this. But when it comes down to it, does this list suggest that we be everything but ordinary. Or is this defining ordinary?

Presenting to a working group at work, 2018.